Addiction · Blog · Career Coaching · Recovery Coaching

Are you Striving for Greatness or Addicted to Perfection?

Pre-Lakers I was an avid LeBron James fan for a myriad of reasons. I was such a fan that my kids and I named our cat LeBron. One of the many reasons I like LeBron James is a mantra he lives by — “Strive for Greatness.”  While it’s a great mantra, how do we differentiate a relentless pursuit of greatness from a raging addiction to perfection?

It may sound crazy to parallel the two, but the similarities are undeniable. Much like an addiction, perfection is fleeting, elusive, driven by fear, and fueled by shame. What many people fail to realize about addiction is that the person/process/substance of choice is never the real problem—it is a symptom of an underlying problem. The addiction becomes a coping strategy that consumes the addict. If you find yourself struggling with an overwhelming need to attain perfection or a crushing call to be bigger, badder, and better, you may want to ask yourself one question.

How is this serving ME

While an all-consuming quest for perfection may be a great benefit to others, more often than not, this quest usually serves us on a more insidious level. Unfortunately, how it serves us may be self-defeating and more mentally, emotionally, and spiritually detrimental than it is positive. The darker side of this quest often serves us by shifting our focus away from some pain of our reality. Reaching for something unattainable is a great distraction from that which we cower from, which is usually emotional pain. 

Emotions are like the boogieman under your bed. They cause you to shudder in terror, but when you shine a light on it and face the fear, it disappears.

A job well done can be very fulfilling. It can feel rewarding to complete a home project, excel at work, or know that we’re a person who is punctual and conscientious. But when does our striving for excellence degenerate into a dysfunctional addiction to perfection? When shame is the driving force.

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Shame is the Catalyst of Debilitating Perfectionism

As children, many of us were rewarded at home and at school for achieving “results .”Unfortunately, many also have the experience of being shamed when we don’t meet the expectation of others. Whether we received painful tongue-lashings, the cold shoulder, or an icy stare of disapproval, we may have interpreted that to mean we are only accepted and loved when we’re “successful .”With this comes the belief that we are bad, unloveable, and unworthy of love and accepted when we fall short. This belief results in shame.

We develop a false, protective self through slow and steady toxic messaging that we display to the world to win praise and avoid the pain of disapproval. When our need for love and acceptance is not nurtured, we come to live with the overpowering voice of an inner critic that is so scrutinizing and cruel it produces a level of shame and self-doubt that could bring LeBron James to his knees.

A steady diet of shame for inevitable shortcomings can grow into debilitating perfectionism. If we can achieve perfection in all we do, we become bulletproof to blame and criticize. If we become “perfect” in all our endeavors, we increase our chances of avoiding the painful re-activation of shame.

Perfectionism and hyper-vigilance come at a cost. It isn’t easy to find true joy and fulfillment when we relentlessly pursue perfection. When our self-worth is tied to our actions rather than embracing ourselves as human beings with strengths and weaknesses—we set ourselves up for being anxiously preoccupied or depressed.

The Pathway to Peace

It is liberating to loosen the grip of perfectionism, but first, we need to recognize how shame may be driving you off track. When we begin to identify the shame and become mindful of how it lives in our body, we start to get distance from it rather than being driven by it. 

LeBron James - Strive for Greatness
The Inner Critic Haunts the GOAT

Learn to observe our inner critic objectively. “Ugh, there’s that shame again telling me I that I suck if I don’t do everything perfectly…and insisting that I’m destined to become homeless and die a sad, lonely death if I make one tiny mistake.” Identifying the voice of our inner critic empowers us to silence it and diminish the power it has over us. 

Being human means failing miserably at times. We learn and grow from our mistakes by humbly acknowledging them and being compassionate toward ourselves. We are more likely to succeed when we’re no longer paralyzed by the fear of failure.

When that inner critic chimes in, rewrite the script and channel a LeBron James pep-talk. “Stop caring about what other people think! Do your best, give it all you got. If you fail miserably, it’s an opportunity to turn that into your greatest achievement. Either way, it’s a win!”

The ability to reframe your perspective and rewrite the script is extraordinarily freeing! It gives you the power to find pleasure and meaning in activities regardless of whether you succeed or fail in any initiative. Each person needs to find their own balance and path. The key is to apply ourselves wholeheartedly without getting too attached to results. Strive for greatness while letting go of the burden of being obsessed with perfection or a specific outcome.

As you become mindful of the shame and fear that may be driving the cruel burden of perfectionism, remember that you don’t need to be perfect to be loved and accepted. When you feel compelled to displace the balance of your life and push painfully hard for perfection, make sure the compensation is worth the cost. Your self-worth is priceless, and you are worthy, loveable, and valid just as you are.

Lastly, it’s worth noting that LeBron James is an anomaly. And in my humble opinion, like most grotesquely overpaid professional athletes, he is very much addicted to perfecting his gift. But even he does not promote insist you strive for perfection; his mantra is Stive for Greatness. And even LeBron embraces and reframes his failures along his journey.

One last video… Addicted to Perfect

 

Addiction · Blog · Career Coaching · Life Coaching · Nutriton Coaching · Recovery Coaching · Relationship Coaching · Wellness Coaching

Try Different, Not Harder

Oftentimes, when faced with a problem, we venture to solve it in a specific way. When that doesn’t work, we typically continue trying to solve the same problem in the exact same way…only harder.

We get frustrated. We try harder. We get more frustrated. We try way harder.

The whole approach is about as successful as crossing the finish line on a hamster wheel. The only way to stop is by hitting a wall.

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These valiant efforts take place in all areas of our lives, including relationships. With about the same success rate as we would have trying to fix a broken object with the wrong tools. It’s like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. Sure you can roll up your sleeves, utilize a myriad of tools and apply relentless efforts to shape that square peg to fit into the round hole. However, the more fitting (pun intended) solution would be to insert said peg into its corresponding hole.

At times it is appropriate to not to give up and to try harder. More often, the better route would be to let go, embrace acceptance and surrender. Miraculously the latter approach typically yields the desired results, without such an effort.

If something doesn’t work or doesn’t flow, maybe life is trying to tell you something. There is always a lesson to be learned in every life experience. Unfortunately, it isn’t always as glaringly obvious as a flashing neon sign.

…or NOT! Brains over brawn is an underrated approach.

Sometimes, the signs are subtle.

Sometimes something not working IS the sign!

If you find yourself struggling too much—Let Go. If you are venturing down a path of insanity by unsuccessful repeated efforts, you may be taking a wrong turn. 

Learn to recognize when something isn’t working. Let go, and let the path reveal itself to you. Answers and solutions emerge more clearly in the still of surrender as opposed to furious efforts.

If you are feeling stuck and the answers have not become clear to you, I would love to help you gain clarity and insight.

CLICK HERE to connect with me!

Career Coaching · Life Coaching

5 Reasons You Need Career Coaching

1. You Feel Stuck

“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.”   ~Albert Einstein

Technically that is not the definition of insanity, and I’m not convinced Albert Einstein really coined that phrase. However, it is a damn good phrase.

If you feel stagnant, unfulfilled, under appreciated and overqualified at the job you currently work, chances are you could use career coaching to help you get unstuck.

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If you absolutely dread Mondays and you literally count the minutes until it’s time to clock out, you definitely need a career coach! Very few humans spend 40 hours each week doing anything consistently other than working, so it’s imperative you have a career that you don’t detest or that sucks the life-force out of you.

If any of the above describes your current work situation and you are unsure about how to get unstuck, stop right this second and drop me a line!

The career coaching process ranges from determining what your strengths and passions are to strategizing, setting goals, and taking action towards scoring a career that you can be excited about. Allowing yourself to stay stuck for too long can be damaging to your mental and physical health, so you owe it to yourself to take the next step towards making a change!

2. You’re Ready for a Major Career Change

Making any sort of job transition can be challenging at best. Making a significant career change can be terrifying!Rather than flying by the seat of your pants through a major transition, enlist the help of a coach to help you walk through your fears, keep you grounded, evaluate how realistic the move may be, and then strategize to make it happen. Fear and uncertainty can be paralyzing. Why go at it alone when you can work with someone to walk you through this journey every step of the way?

3. 1 Million Resume Submissions Produced Zero Responses

Resumes are tricky. The key is to keep it simple, but simple is NOT easy. Back in the day, all you needed was some bullet points, proper grammar, the perfect linen paper, and a commanding presence to hand deliver a resume to a potential employer.

Today there are websites, databases, APS software, algorithms, keywords, talent acquisition specialists, and a million other candidates to contend with. Your resume needs to be on point to even make its way to a human.
It is crucial to work with someone who has a good understanding of the recruitment process, can help you understand and navigate through it.

4. You Suck at Interviews

If you’re making it to the point at which potential employers are inviting you in for interviews, huge congrats. This is a huge accomplishment, considering how cutthroat the competition is for a lot of positions.

If you’re someone who goes all deer-in-the-headlights the minute you set foot in an HR department, you need career coaching! You need a pro to help you with this process from start to finish. From attire and body language to interview questions and cadence. No one wants to make it this far only to find a dead end.

5. Networking Makes You Cringe

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Networking comes naturally to some but is a challenge for most. Don’t let that be what keeps you from landing the job of your dreams!

With so much competition these days, networking is invaluable! It’s all about knowing the right people. Learn how to cultivate new relationships with people who work at the companies you want to work for. If a hiring manager has to choose between sifting through a database of strangers or checking out a resume from a candidate referred by a respected employee, the referral will win every time!

Coach This Life Career Coaching Package

If you are ready to take the next step towards landing a career that gets you excited, let’s connect! Invest in yourself and your future by committing to a 3-month coaching package which includes strengths finding sessions, resume assistance, interview coaching, and guidance with digital marketing and networking.

Addiction · Career Coaching · Life Coaching · Nutriton Coaching · Recovery Coaching · Relationship Coaching · Wellness Coaching

The Difference Between Life Coaching and Counseling

Life Coaching differs significantly from therapy or counseling — coaching centers around setting goals, taking action and accountability. The process is about discovering what moves you, setting goals you want to achieve, identifying obstacles holding you back, developing steps to help you move forward. The accountability part is what keeps your momentum going and ensures you actually achieve the goals you have set.

Coaching Helps You Thrive & Soar

Coaching is helpful for everyone, and often, it can complement therapy. Life Coaching picks up where treatment ends. Anyone with a desire to advance their career, cultivate healthy relationships, overcome addictions, improve wellness, and fitness levels would be ideal for Life Coaching. Coaching is key to any transition in life. CounselingCoaching

Counseling Helps You Heal

Therapy is designed to help you heal in addition to treat illness, disorders, and diseases of the mind. Counseling is a clinical relationship between a patient and a licensed therapist. A therapist assesses, diagnoses, and treats their patient. While treatment plans vary in frequency and duration, you should reach a point where you have healed, and are ready to move on.

Additionally, patient-therapist boundaries are more fixed and rigid. A life coach has the ability to be more open about themselves and communicate in a much different manner. In some instnaces your coach may communicate with you more like a peer—you meet on common ground.

What If I Only Need Career Coaching or Wellness Coaching?

While most coaches have niches, a certified Life Coach is qualified to coach in all aspects of life. Personally, I have extensive training in Recovery, Wellness, Nutrition, and Fitness, but at the end of the day, it’s all “Life Coaching”. That being said, my training and experience make me more qualified to help those with specific concerns and needs. The format is always about identifying your needs, addressing obstacles, creating action steps to achieve your goals and holding you accountable to ensure your success.

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Is Life Coaching Right for YOU?

If you are ready to soar, I would be honored to help you! CLICK HERE to schedule a free consultation to see how life coaching can work for you. You’ve only got one shot at life—isn’t it worth making it amazing? You deserve it!

Addiction · Career Coaching · Life Coaching · Nutriton Coaching · Wellness Coaching

Accountability

Willingness is the Key to Growth and Accountability is the Key Success of any kind!

So often we embark upon a new journey wholeheartedly…in the beginning. Then life happens, and just like muscle memory, we revert to old coping strategies and fall right back into all the self-defeating behaviors we were trying to break free from in the first place.

The downward spiral may begin with a missed appointment…

First, you “forget” an appointment or you skip one because “you’re too busy” or “something’s come up”. Then you begin mentally composing a list of reasons why this just isn’t a good time to invest the time and finances into self-improvement. Before you know it, that inner dialog gets the best of you and another year or two passes again before you are inspired or motivated to change.

With enough half-attempts under one’s belt with no successful outcomes or achievements, we can go our entire lives feeling stuck. Decades pass us by, and somehow we simply forget what we want in life.

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It’s easy to go through the motions and skip through life merely existing.

Isn’t it time to commit to living life to the fullest?!

The best way to hold yourself accountable is to begin eliminating excuses and make the commitment straight out of the gate. Change is hard, and right before the magic happens, it usually gets much harder. Coaching packages help you commit before the bumps in the road begin to discourage you—so you are more motivated to stay on course, reach higher ground and grow in ways you never imagined were possible.

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CLICK HERE   to Make It Happen!

Coach This Life offers several packages to help you to commit to achieving your goals.

You are SO Very Worthy!