Oftentimes, when faced with a problem, we venture to solve it in a specific way. When that doesn’t work, we typically continue trying to solve the same problem in the exact same way…only harder.
We get frustrated. We try harder. We get more frustrated. We try way harder.
The whole approach is about as successful as crossing the finish line on a hamster wheel. The only way to stop is by hitting a wall.
These valiant efforts take place in all areas of our lives, including relationships. With about the same success rate as we would have trying to fix a broken object with the wrong tools. It’s like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. Sure you can roll up your sleeves, utilize a myriad of tools and apply relentless efforts to shape that square peg to fit into the round hole. However, the more fitting (pun intended) solution would be to insert said peg into its corresponding hole.
At times it is appropriate to not to give up and to try harder. More often, the better route would be to let go, embrace acceptance and surrender. Miraculously the latter approach typically yields the desired results, without such an effort.
If something doesn’t work or doesn’t flow, maybe life is trying to tell you something. There is always a lesson to be learned in every life experience. Unfortunately, it isn’t always as glaringly obvious as a flashing neon sign.
Sometimes, the signs are subtle.
Sometimes something not working IS the sign!
If you find yourself struggling too much—Let Go. If you are venturing down a path of insanity by unsuccessful repeated efforts, you may be taking a wrong turn.
Learn to recognize when something isn’t working. Let go, and let the path reveal itself to you. Answers and solutions emerge more clearly in the still of surrender as opposed to furious efforts.
If you are feeling stuck and the answers have not become clear to you, I would love to help you gain clarity and insight.
After getting out of a lackluster relationship, it’s common to question what love is. At times we are flooded with questions like: I loved this person so why didn’t it work? Did they ever really love me? If he loved me, why was he unfaithful? How could someone who says they love me, be so cruel? How could she leave me if she truly loved me? Is love really enough? Is that what love is?
What is love?
I’ve pondered all of those questions at some point in my life. And it wasn’t just intimate relationships that lead me to those perplexing conundrums—it was relationships with friends, lovers, and family.
Becoming a mother brought even more questions to mind for me. There is nothing so pure and unconditional as the love a mother feels for her child, and when that love is reciprocated it’s life-altering. The downside to that is a reflection on the love we received as a child—or lack thereof. Parents who never healed from their own painful childhoods are not always capable of gracing their child with kind, gentle, unconditional love every child deserves. It is a cycle that must be broken…
The painful and sometimes toxic relationships I have engaged in throughout my life moved me to embark upon a relentless journey to figure out this love thing. That journey began when I was 11 years old with a book on codependency. I was onto something decades ago.
It wasn’t until I came across a quote from Brené Brown that I gained the clarity I had been searching for my entire life.
My suggestion to anyone who is struggling with pain and grief from love-lost or love that hurts more than it heals is to write this quote down, print it out…or tattoo it to your forearm if need be. In my opinion, it is just that good!
“We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness, and affection.
Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them – we can only love others as much as we love ourselves.
Shame, blame, disrespect, betrayal, and the withholding of affection damage the roots from which love grows. Love can only survive these injuries if they are acknowledged, healed and rare.”
There are so many parts of that quote that are worthy of breaking down and exploring, but the one that was most healing to me was we can only love others as much as we love ourselves. That really is where it all begins…
Self-love is not something that can be achieved overnight. Begin by practicing…and keep practicing until you believe it!
If you have ever struggled with fear, anxiety, anger, resentment, guilt, shame, and/or obsessions you know how challenging it can be to “Let Go.” These emotions are so toxic, yet they often cling to us like velcro.
No worries if you get tripped up—I have an easy fix for you that doesn’t involve a martini glass, and you can do this with your kids!
Letting Go is the Key to Happiness!
Holding on takes you out of the present moment and robs you of experiencing the good in life. We find all sorts of things to cling to; positions, people, jobs, relationships, addictions, obsessions, outcomes.
Letting Go is the magic ingredient most people forget to practice on their quest to work the Law of Attraction into fruition. A vision board full of dreams, aspirations, goals, and desires is useless if you fail to let go and trust the universe will provide. Holding onto any anxious energy you have surrounding your wishes and your worries will only prevent or delay the outcome you desire.
By “Letting Go” we allow space for the universe to do its thing. We free our minds from the relentless voice telling us we have missed the mark, aren’t good enough, aren’t measuring up, aren’t there yet… that we want more, need more, crave more.
It’s easy to see why we strive to let go of our worries as toxic emotions and relationships keep us stuck. But what about Letting Go of our wishes?
The answer is simple—> Letting Go is the key to happiness!
Of course, you also need a dash of gratitude and dollop of willingness…but the combination of those 3 ingredients is undoubtedly the recipe for happiness.
Letting Go, is an act of faith! Faith in the universe, God, Mother Nature…the Greater Good; whatever you chose to believe in. It doesn’t even matter what you believe in, all that matters is that you believe!
How To Let Go
I’m going to jump into this part with the ASSumption you already know how to identify what you are feeling. While that sounds like a no-brainer, it can be challenging and perplexing for some. That’s another blurb though.
This part can be as fun or no-frills as you like. The most important this is, you do it. OFTEN.
All you have to do is write down what Wishes and Worries are at the forefront of your mind, body, and soul. It doesn’t have to be a PowerPoint Presentation or Ven Diagram. You only need to write one word if you like. A feeling, the name of a person, a concern, obsession, craving, circumstance, wish, hope, dream… Just get it out, write it down, and now we are going to Let It Go. Literally and figuratively.
Ok, so this is the fun part! How you “Let It Go” can be any number of ways.
Examples of Letting Go On the Fly:
You are at work and you begin fantasizing about stapling a gossipy co-workers mouth shut, write said co-worker’s name down on a Post-It and put it in the shredder.
When visiting your in-laws’ house a judgey aunt starts force-feeding you unsolicited parenting advice, lock yourself in the bathroom for 3 minutes, write her name on a square of TP and flush it.
Pulling into a parking lot after being run off the road by a crotchety, cantankerous, inconsiderate driver, park your car, jot “asshole driver” down on a gum wrapper, discard something gross into it and dispose of it. Then move onto the next part of your day.
Example of Letting Go As a Daily Practice:
Try to work this simple step into your morning routine. For even more efficacy, do it in the evenings as well.
Write Down Your Wishes and Worries On Paper.
Place Your Paper in a Jar or Box
Move on with your day…
I prefer to use paper, pens, and vessels that bring me joy when I use them, but it doesn’t have to be fancy. The Dollar Store is a great place to get small sheets of note paper, notepads, and fun pens and pencils. They also have a myriad of boxes, vases, and pots, jars, glasses and the like to choose from. For more fabulous paraphernalia, take a trip to Michaels, Hobby Lobby or a craft store.
You can use Mason Jars, candle votives, empty tissue boxes or any fun container. You can decorate and label them if you wish. If you are more religious, feel free to call your vessels a God Box or label them “Hope and Faith.” Do whatever will encourage you to practice this often.
One thing I enjoy doing is to save the notes I have written. I love reading through some the pages from the past to reflect and revel in how much has changed. Looking back on all the things I stressed out over boosts my faith when I see how things have worked out. Once I “Let Go” and let God do the work for me, things happen almost effortlessly.
For some, this whole concept may sound a little hokey, but I promise you that it works! I highly recommend you give it a whirl. What do you have to lose?
Life Coaching differs significantly from therapy or counseling — coaching centers around setting goals, taking action and accountability. The process is about discovering what moves you, setting goals you want to achieve, identifying obstacles holding you back, developing steps to help you move forward. The accountability part is what keeps your momentum going and ensures you actually achieve the goals you have set.
Coaching Helps You Thrive & Soar
Coaching is helpful for everyone, and often, it can complement therapy. Life Coaching picks up where treatment ends. Anyone with a desire to advance their career, cultivate healthy relationships, overcome addictions, improve wellness, and fitness levels would be ideal for Life Coaching. Coaching is key to any transition in life. CounselingCoaching
Counseling Helps You Heal
Therapy is designed to help you heal in addition to treat illness, disorders, and diseases of the mind. Counseling is a clinical relationship between a patient and a licensed therapist. A therapist assesses, diagnoses, and treats their patient. While treatment plans vary in frequency and duration, you should reach a point where you have healed, and are ready to move on.
Additionally, patient-therapist boundaries are more fixed and rigid. A life coach has the ability to be more open about themselves and communicate in a much different manner. In some instnaces your coach may communicate with you more like a peer—you meet on common ground.
What If I Only Need Career Coaching or Wellness Coaching?
While most coaches have niches, a certified Life Coach is qualified to coach in all aspects of life. Personally, I have extensive training in Recovery, Wellness, Nutrition, and Fitness, but at the end of the day, it’s all “Life Coaching”. That being said, my training and experience make me more qualified to help those with specific concerns and needs. The format is always about identifying your needs, addressing obstacles, creating action steps to achieve your goals and holding you accountable to ensure your success.
If you are ready to soar, I would be honored to help you! CLICK HERE to schedule a free consultation to see how life coaching can work for you. You’ve only got one shot at life—isn’t it worth making it amazing? You deserve it!