Emotional Intelligence Begins with Self-Awareness

We must identify emotions and interpret them accurately within ourselves first and foremost. If we are misinterpreting our own emotions, then chances are we are also misreading the emotions of others. It’s common to assume others feel the same as we do in a situation. However, that is typically not the case. 

This phenomenon can be especially dangerous for an empath. The reality is, some lack the ability to feel empathy at all, which makes an empath a prime target for those with a darker, colder nature.  

Many who struggle with emotional intelligence are completely unaware of how out of touch with they are with thier emotions. Disconnecting from emotions is a common coping strategy that can serve us in a crisis or traumatic situation, but it becomes debilitating in the realm of human connection if we never learn to reconnect with them. Even if we can see our disconnectedness from our emotions, we are rarely able to see to the full extent to which we have numbed out.

When we are out of touch with our own emotions, we may struggle to make healthy choices, experience ongoing health issues, and have difficulty relating to and supporting the emotional needs of others.

Cultivating Self-Awareness

Below are just some thought-provoking topics to ponder in your quest for self-awareness and emotional intelligence. When working with coaching clients, the exercises I utilize are more in-depth, but digging too deep solo can be a dangerous endeavor. Take a few moments to identify a few things listed below and see where it takes you!

Before you begin the following exercise, take a moment to get centered. If at any point you feel stuck or simply cannot identify any of the suggestions or answer a question, pause. Take a break, move on, and return to this exercise later. This exercise can be especially frustrating if you struggle with alexithymia, which is a common characteristic of Autism Spectrum Disorder as well as PTSD. Please be kind to yourself and never, EVER judge an emotion. (more on that later) And most importantly, remember that you do not need to venture on this journey alone…

Identify and Explore

• Bring your awareness to any physical or emotional sensations you experience during the following times:
  • while doing something you enjoy
  • while doing something you dislike
  • when you feel angry
  • when you feel shame
  • when you feel anxious or fearful
  • when you feel annoyed
  • when you feel stressed
  • when you are in conflict with someone
• Harbored anger or resentment you may be holding in
  • explain the cause 
• Do you believe your approach & behaviors when navigating the following are helpful or a hindrance?
  • during conflict with others – identify any patterns in outcomes
  • when you believe someone has overstepped a boundary
  • when you have a perceived problem

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