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Are you Striving for Greatness or Addicted to Perfection?

Pre-Lakers I was an avid LeBron James fan for a myriad of reasons. I was such a fan that my kids and I named our cat LeBron. One of the many reasons I like LeBron James is a mantra he lives by — “Strive for Greatness.”  While it’s a great mantra, how do we differentiate a relentless pursuit of greatness from a raging addiction to perfection?

It may sound crazy to parallel the two, but the similarities are undeniable. Much like an addiction, perfection is fleeting, elusive, driven by fear, and fueled by shame. What many people fail to realize about addiction is that the person/process/substance of choice is never the real problem—it is a symptom of an underlying problem. The addiction becomes a coping strategy that consumes the addict. If you find yourself struggling with an overwhelming need to attain perfection or a crushing call to be bigger, badder, and better, you may want to ask yourself one question.

How is this serving ME

While an all-consuming quest for perfection may be a great benefit to others, more often than not, this quest usually serves us on a more insidious level. Unfortunately, how it serves us may be self-defeating and more mentally, emotionally, and spiritually detrimental than it is positive. The darker side of this quest often serves us by shifting our focus away from some pain of our reality. Reaching for something unattainable is a great distraction from that which we cower from, which is usually emotional pain. 

Emotions are like the boogieman under your bed. They cause you to shudder in terror, but when you shine a light on it and face the fear, it disappears.

A job well done can be very fulfilling. It can feel rewarding to complete a home project, excel at work, or know that we’re a person who is punctual and conscientious. But when does our striving for excellence degenerate into a dysfunctional addiction to perfection? When shame is the driving force.

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Shame is the Catalyst of Debilitating Perfectionism

As children, many of us were rewarded at home and at school for achieving “results .”Unfortunately, many also have the experience of being shamed when we don’t meet the expectation of others. Whether we received painful tongue-lashings, the cold shoulder, or an icy stare of disapproval, we may have interpreted that to mean we are only accepted and loved when we’re “successful .”With this comes the belief that we are bad, unloveable, and unworthy of love and accepted when we fall short. This belief results in shame.

We develop a false, protective self through slow and steady toxic messaging that we display to the world to win praise and avoid the pain of disapproval. When our need for love and acceptance is not nurtured, we come to live with the overpowering voice of an inner critic that is so scrutinizing and cruel it produces a level of shame and self-doubt that could bring LeBron James to his knees.

A steady diet of shame for inevitable shortcomings can grow into debilitating perfectionism. If we can achieve perfection in all we do, we become bulletproof to blame and criticize. If we become “perfect” in all our endeavors, we increase our chances of avoiding the painful re-activation of shame.

Perfectionism and hyper-vigilance come at a cost. It isn’t easy to find true joy and fulfillment when we relentlessly pursue perfection. When our self-worth is tied to our actions rather than embracing ourselves as human beings with strengths and weaknesses—we set ourselves up for being anxiously preoccupied or depressed.

The Pathway to Peace

It is liberating to loosen the grip of perfectionism, but first, we need to recognize how shame may be driving you off track. When we begin to identify the shame and become mindful of how it lives in our body, we start to get distance from it rather than being driven by it. 

LeBron James - Strive for Greatness
The Inner Critic Haunts the GOAT

Learn to observe our inner critic objectively. “Ugh, there’s that shame again telling me I that I suck if I don’t do everything perfectly…and insisting that I’m destined to become homeless and die a sad, lonely death if I make one tiny mistake.” Identifying the voice of our inner critic empowers us to silence it and diminish the power it has over us. 

Being human means failing miserably at times. We learn and grow from our mistakes by humbly acknowledging them and being compassionate toward ourselves. We are more likely to succeed when we’re no longer paralyzed by the fear of failure.

When that inner critic chimes in, rewrite the script and channel a LeBron James pep-talk. “Stop caring about what other people think! Do your best, give it all you got. If you fail miserably, it’s an opportunity to turn that into your greatest achievement. Either way, it’s a win!”

The ability to reframe your perspective and rewrite the script is extraordinarily freeing! It gives you the power to find pleasure and meaning in activities regardless of whether you succeed or fail in any initiative. Each person needs to find their own balance and path. The key is to apply ourselves wholeheartedly without getting too attached to results. Strive for greatness while letting go of the burden of being obsessed with perfection or a specific outcome.

As you become mindful of the shame and fear that may be driving the cruel burden of perfectionism, remember that you don’t need to be perfect to be loved and accepted. When you feel compelled to displace the balance of your life and push painfully hard for perfection, make sure the compensation is worth the cost. Your self-worth is priceless, and you are worthy, loveable, and valid just as you are.

Lastly, it’s worth noting that LeBron James is an anomaly. And in my humble opinion, like most grotesquely overpaid professional athletes, he is very much addicted to perfecting his gift. But even he does not promote insist you strive for perfection; his mantra is Stive for Greatness. And even LeBron embraces and reframes his failures along his journey.

One last video… Addicted to Perfect

 

About

Life Coaching with Kristy Mox

This is my life’s purpose and I am on a mission to help others reach higher ground.

~Kristy Mox

So you want to change your life, but where do you begin? How do you pick a Life Coach? There are a million self-proclaimed “Life Coaches” crawling out of the woodwork these days, but I’m not here to talk about them. The pond I swim in is still rather small, but I’ve got real estate here, I am confident this is my life’s purpose and I am on a mission to help others reach higher ground.

Even more odd to me than all the life coaches out there are the life coaching courses and certifications becoming available. When I embarked upon my journey to become a coach, certifications were slim to none. There was only one coach I wanted to learn from, and that is Tony Robbins. While he doesn’t refer to himself as a “Life Coach” and he seems to be venturing down a different path these days, there is no doubt he is a master at this craft.

I knew that the first time I saw him speak and that is precisely where I went for my certification. Technically speaking I am a certified Strategic Interventionist, among a number of other certifications. Pretty fitting start since I later went on to become a Certified (Substance Abuse) Peer Support Specialist. 

I will share with you how and why I became a life coach.

I can’t speak for the masses, only for myself—of my own education and experience. For me, the calling began when I was 12. I’m not the biggest fan of reading as I have ADHD and dyslexia, but I was compelled to purchase a book on Codependency with my very own, hard-earned money. The bookstore was brand new to my local mall and “codependency” was a relatively new phrase back then. I was certainly onto something, but I had a lot more pain and adversity in the form of raging codependency to experience, walk through, and conquer.

I’ve always had jobs working with people who bared their souls to me. As a hairstylist, aesthetician, make-up artist, personal trainer, nutrition coach, wellness coach, and life coach. Throughout the years I had been a confidant to all my clients. It has been an honor to listen to stories some have never shared with anyone before me. I am in awe of the courage it takes to share such things and I will take those stories to the grave!

I was done listening without helping on a deeper level.

The day I decided to begin studying life coaching, I was working as a personal trainer. I had been working with a client whose story was so moving, I couldn’t listen anymore without helping on a deeper level. I just could not bring myself to count another rep without doing something to help the person get unstuck. The issue presented were out of my scope of practice, so I decided to expand my scope of practice! I hugged this person, provided a referral, went home, and registered for my coaching certification. At the time I was going through a divorce—I was newly sober, painfully exhausted, and completely broke. I was determined though! I invested every cent I had, and every ounce of energy, and focus I could muster whilst raising 2 kids solo and rebuilding my life.

It’s amazing how much more energy and motivation have when we are deeply passionate about something and in alignment with what we are being called to do.

Today I am blessed to be able to share my knowledge, wisdom, experience, strength, and hope to help others reach higher ground. Few things bring me more joy than helping others find their way. For me, coaching is not about helping the masses. Coaching is about helping one person at a time. We all deserve someone to lift us up and give us their undivided attention.

If you feel like you are drifting or merely existing, and you are ready to grow and thrive, click here to schedule a consultation. I would love the opportunity to connect with you and learn how I can help you actualize and achieve all your goals!

Addiction · Career Coaching · Life Coaching · Nutriton Coaching · Recovery Coaching · Relationship Coaching · Wellness Coaching

The Difference Between Life Coaching and Counseling

Life Coaching differs significantly from therapy or counseling — coaching centers around setting goals, taking action and accountability. The process is about discovering what moves you, setting goals you want to achieve, identifying obstacles holding you back, developing steps to help you move forward. The accountability part is what keeps your momentum going and ensures you actually achieve the goals you have set.

Coaching Helps You Thrive & Soar

Coaching is helpful for everyone, and often, it can complement therapy. Life Coaching picks up where treatment ends. Anyone with a desire to advance their career, cultivate healthy relationships, overcome addictions, improve wellness, and fitness levels would be ideal for Life Coaching. Coaching is key to any transition in life. CounselingCoaching

Counseling Helps You Heal

Therapy is designed to help you heal in addition to treat illness, disorders, and diseases of the mind. Counseling is a clinical relationship between a patient and a licensed therapist. A therapist assesses, diagnoses, and treats their patient. While treatment plans vary in frequency and duration, you should reach a point where you have healed, and are ready to move on.

Additionally, patient-therapist boundaries are more fixed and rigid. A life coach has the ability to be more open about themselves and communicate in a much different manner. In some instnaces your coach may communicate with you more like a peer—you meet on common ground.

What If I Only Need Career Coaching or Wellness Coaching?

While most coaches have niches, a certified Life Coach is qualified to coach in all aspects of life. Personally, I have extensive training in Recovery, Wellness, Nutrition, and Fitness, but at the end of the day, it’s all “Life Coaching”. That being said, my training and experience make me more qualified to help those with specific concerns and needs. The format is always about identifying your needs, addressing obstacles, creating action steps to achieve your goals and holding you accountable to ensure your success.

https://coachthislife.com/contact/free-coaching-session/

Is Life Coaching Right for YOU?

If you are ready to soar, I would be honored to help you! CLICK HERE to schedule a free consultation to see how life coaching can work for you. You’ve only got one shot at life—isn’t it worth making it amazing? You deserve it!

Addiction · Blog · Inspiration · Life Coaching · Nutriton Coaching · Recovery Coaching · Relationship Coaching · Wellness Coaching

Letting Go

We cannot move onto greater things when we continue to hold on to what no longer serves us.

People, possessions, behaviors, beliefs, attachments, ideas… All the things that once served an important purpose in our lives become the very things that hold us back when we refuse to let them go.

There cannot be a new beginning without an end. When we let go completely, we open ourselves up to infinite possibilities.

Addiction · Life Coaching · Nutriton Coaching · Recovery Coaching · Wellness Coaching

Fitness Coaching

Let’s be honest here… being ripped is kind of badass, it feels amazing, and it is a massive boost to one’s confidence. I know, I’ve been slightly ripped before.

TGUpic

However, it is a lifestyle that not everyone participates in so unless you surround yourself with like-minded humans leading parallel lifestyles, your newfound badassness will likely fall by the wayside. Not everyone can stick to their guns for the sake of their guns and unless you are genetically blessed, you need to completely change your life in order to sustain a ripped physique.

 

First and foremost it is imperative to clarify the following; “Fit” is not an adjective—”Fit” is a verb

fitness power man person

How you look is not an indication of how fit you are and how “fit” you are is pretty subjective.

It’s highly unlikely that a 300lb Strongman would be able to run a 5-minute mile, nor will a 160lb Ironman be able to pull a 900lb deadlift. Both of said athletes eat in very different ways—neither of which are conducive to weight-loss or translate as “healthy” for most normal(ish) folk. They eat to fuel their bodies in order to perform better at very specific sports. blur bicycle speed bicyclist

If your life looks more like desk surfing, baby (or fur-baby) chasing, and domestic duties, you likely don’t have a need to train or eat the way most athletes do.

What most people need is much more simple (not to be confused with easy) and way less sexy than what we are accustomed to seeing on YouTube, TV, blog posts, Facebook, Instagram, and a million other force-fed advertisements. When you shift your focus from flashy, badass and “sexy” to health, wellness, self-preservation, and balance, you arrive at something way more sustainable and realistic. Self-preservation is a different kind of badass—it’s less about aesthetics and ego and more about being humble, happy and healthy.

CLICK HERE If you are ready to learn more about effective, efficient, realistic, and sustainable ways to get healthy and fit!